Sunday, June 19, 2005


Problem with Men: relationships are tough

Billy D's entry "The Shopping Nightmare" is a funny story (to me) of men vs women appoarch on shopping. Men are hunter+gatherer so we are very task oriented: we aim, execute and exit the scene. Women are more relational: they could spend hours roaming around a mall or even a grocery store and not buy anything and still call it shopping (OK, maybe buy a cup of coffee).

And this morning, it hit me: The Bible has to overtly tell us men to go for the long term relationships, be it dad-to-teach-his-children (Det 6) or Jesus telling His followers to make disciples (Mat 28:19) or even the 7th commandment (Exo 20:14). Heb 10:24-25 gets to the point:
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
When it comes to spiritual life, men like to categorize and enumerate: number baptized, number "saved," number of members (or even regular "attenders"). We like to make classes (with fixed end dates) for every little subject but we (men) aren't into long term relationships: even with small groups, we do it mainly because our wives are into it (on the other hand, if the wives do not get along, then we will stop attending or try a different church, group, etc.).

Education is very similar: we, men, seek high school graduation or even college graduation for our children but then we're done. We move onto the next thing, rather than thinking and planning on how to maintain that relationship during the children's work life and marriage, raising children (esp. man-to-son advice on leaving a legacy). Or even passing on that experience to other men who are raising children.

For me, I didn't think about children and their education until I started reading books like Mary Pride's "The Way Home." So that got me to think what educational goals I should have before I had children (let alone getting married). It would have helped if I had training on how to envision marriage and children's overall growth (not just academically). Or on how to raise sons vs daughters.

Anyway, happy Father's Day, y'all!


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